You want to know what the number one favorite body part is according to the answers thus far?  Drum roll, please…

Helen Mirren's Legs

You know why I wanted to write about this time of my life?  Because of this.  SUICIDE SPIKES AMONG MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN. And because of this. “Face it: What Women Feel As Their Looks Change”

There’s still plenty of time to fill out the survey.  We want to know what you think about being 40plus. All of you who have already completed the survey, I will put your name in twice for the $50 gift certificate drawing.  Any of you who complete the survey on or before February 14, 2012 will also be entered twice for the gift certificate. Drawing will be held on April 1, 2012.

Okay, on with the rest of the wrap-up.

This week I made friends on Twitter:

The Gypsy Nesters. Meet David and Veronica who once their children left the nest started traveling the world.  Hmmm….

Ultimate Eurythmics. For fans of Dave Stewart and Annie Lennox.  I made a comment on Twitter about how Florence and the Machine sounds like Annie Lennox.  Hello kids!

This week I’ve fallen in love with the following two videos.

I love me some Jason Mraz, but I can’t abide by his long hair, scruffy, bandana-wearing persona. Really, Jason? Okay, you’ve redeemed yourself. I know you were worried.

There are two strikes against this video. First off, Bob Dylan and Miley Cyrus. But I have to hand it to the girl (and the man) she does this song well.

Cheers to the weekend!

P.S. Did I mention there’s still time to fill out the 40plus woman survey?

How come…

…baking bread at Subway smells like armpits?

…I feel hopeful?

…the Dixie Chicks haven’t gotten back together?

…I love shoes so much?

…McDonald’s got rid of their 42-ounce cups?

…when I skip a few days of CrossFit, it takes me a month to get back in shape?

…sometimes I believe the worst?

…three chickens who lay eggs can bring such joy to our household?

…salads taste better when someone else makes them?

…men don’t use straws?

…the song makes you remember when?

…Seal and Heidi Klum separated?

…I feel this is the best time of my life?

…it’s not over until it’s over?

…we wait until it’s too late?

…I love Taos?

…I can’t focus?

…all the songs by twenty-something GIRLS on the radio sound alike?

…Demi Moore is suffering from exhaustion?

…some people like the sound of harmonicas?

…there are times I want to go back?

…irregardless isn’t a word?

…it takes a long time to learn lessons?

…chocolate tastes better than brussel sprouts (well, just about anything tastes better than brussel sprouts)?

…it’s hard to admit when we’re scared?

…40 plus women don’t want to win $50 by filling out this 5-minute survey?

…Beyonce and Jay-Z named their daughter Blue Ivy Carter?

…the f-word is so fun to say?

…I’m hungry when I just ate breakfast?

…we don’t write letters anymore?

…I didn’t know this song was from the movie, “The Devil Wears Prada?”

You fill in “How come…?”  How come you won’t tell us?

Breaking News: The survey has been shortened.  And while not breaking news an important thing I forgot to mention is the survey is confidential! 

Hello my friends,

Over the last couple of weeks, Musings of a Midlife Mama has been shut down.  Why? you ask, or hopefully you did. There’s a new journey a-brewin’ for all of us women who are in the middle of our lives (or want to be one day or know someone who is).  40pluswoman.com will be a community for us all.

I came up with the idea when I heard some friends talk about how invisible they felt at this point in their lives.  Beige-schmeige.  Wear red high-heeled shoes!  Walk with a regal posture!  Know that you have so much to contribute based on your experience and you’ve made it to the middle of your life!

I need your help.  Please take some time to fill out the 40 plus woman survey.  If you complete it before March 15, 2012, you will be entered into a drawing for a $50 gift certificate. Drawing will be held on April 1, 2010 (and I’m not joking).

I’ve loved the three years I’ve been writing Musings.  I have made some incredible online friends and my musings have brought me closer to both friends and family.  I will continue to share my stories on Musings as I build the 40 plus woman community.

Much love and peace!

Your friend,

Michelle

Me and my grandmother

Neither smiling nor laughing, pensive about the past year

Boy I thought I was being so clever by not making New Year’s resolutions in 2011.  My brilliant plan was to become more resolved in those “things” I wanted to work on.  Now reading these over for the first time since I wrote them over a year ago, I realize these were resolutions disguised in a prettier dress, but still resolutions, and like most resolutions I failed at them.

2011 Resolutions:

1. I’m going to finish the rewrites from the editor on LETTING GO: A MOTHER’S STORY. I’m going to send this out to agents (AGAIN!) and submit to writing contests. When the rejects come back, I’m going to send the memoir out again. The failing of the publishing industry be damned.

Update: I didn’t finish the rewrites.  Instead I started writing the memoir as a YA novel told from “Molly’s” perspective.  Then I started writing another memoir about blending a family.  This year I’ll continue doing what I’ve been doing, waiting for an agent to contact me.

2. I’m going to finish reading all those books I’ve started reading. What happens is I get thirty pages into a book and then I find myself in a book store where I buy another book, start that one, buy another book…you get the picture.

Update: I didn’t achieve this one either.

3. I’m going to smile more.

Update: I’m going to give myself credit here.  There really isn’t any way to prove it or not.

4. I’m going to finish what I started. When cleaning the house or organizing a room, I’m going to finish it before I move on to the next project.

Update: I’d like to meet my former self, and kick her ass for even proposing this one.

5. I’m going to hang pictures that have been leaning against the walls for years. I’m going to change up the family photos that are so old that Jack is a crawling baby (He’s seven now.) and their photos of in-laws who are no longer in-laws anymore. HELLO!!!

Update: Oh, for the love of Pete.   I’m sitting in front of the same photos I was resolved to change because the in-laws are officially ex-in laws. Jack’s third grade photo is sitting on the kitchen counter where it probably will remain until I place his fourth grade photo packet on top of it.

6. I’m going to listen to the whole CD.

Update: It helps not to buy CDs. Note: If you do buy CDs buy ones that you know you’ll love every single song. Can you say Adele and Ray LaMontange?

7. I’m going to hug and kiss more.

Update: Check.  See number #3.

8. I’m going to stop checking voicemail, email, FaceBook, etc. every five minutes when I get bored with whatever I’m doing. While writing this post, I’ve checked all these twice. Instead I’m going to finish whatever I’m working on and then go play.

Update: This would have required discipline and focus.  See #1, #2 and #4.

9. I’m going to laugh more.

Update: Yes!  See number #3 and #7.  I’m laughing now.

10. I’m going to pay off my credit card balance and then pay the entire amount every month.

Update: Where is she?  While I’m kicking my ass for suggesting I become more focused, I’m going to knock my former self out and steal all her money to make this one come true.

Funny, these would be the same things I’d be more resolved to do in the coming year.  Good thing, since there’s plenty of room for improvement.  But I also have figured out how to make myself not feel like a total loser about 2011.  Stay tuned for Part 2.

Did you meet your 2011 resolutions?

If you want the opinion of a 40-plus woman on everything from best movies to best news stories then you’ve come to the right place. However, if you’re looking for opinions by someone who knows what she’s talking about then Happy New Year to you, and you probably should move on.  Here’s what I think.

Best Month: August. Jack started third grade in August and has gotten an orange card every Friday since.

Best (and Worst) CD: Ray LaMontagne’s “Trouble.” Admittedly this isn’t a 2011 album; it was published in 2004.  But I discovered it this year.  Unfortunately it’s the worst, too.  I have myself to blame.  I played the CD over and over again;  I haven’t been able to listen to it for months.

Best Farmers’ Market: City Heights Farmers’ Market.  It proved to be a success in this community despite the nay-sayers. Nay that.

Best Movie: I can’t just pick one. I loved “Midnight in Paris” with Owen Wilson and “The Descendents” with George Clooney.  And no it’s not because they’re cute (of course this doesn’t hurt) but these movies were both GREAT stories, fantastic journeys. “Bridesmaids” would have made my top three, but the bathroom scene put it out of the competition.

Worst Movie: “Rango.”  If this was not animated, it would have been a horror flick.  Some of the ugliest creatures I’ve ever seen…

Best (and Worst) Website: Shopbop.  Why?  Because they have a huge selection of the cutest clothes and shoes and accessories and there’s free 2-day delivery and free returns if you don’t like it.  What could be better than shopping in your pajamas and getting a package two days later (maybe you’re still in your pjs)?  The worst part of this website is all the reasons it’s the best.  I’m addicted.  Please take my credit card.

Best shoes: This is like picking my favorite child.  My two favorite pairs of shoes today are Jeffrey Campbell boots and my Minnetonka moccasins.

Best books:

Novel: Lisa Tucker’s The Winters in Bloom

“A novel rife with human entanglements of every variety, all sensitively, insightfully rendered. . . Kyra and David face struggles every parent will recognize: how to take care of someone in a world as dangerous as it is beautiful; how to choose—daily, deliberately–joy over fear.”
– Marisa de los Santos, author of Love Walked In

Memoir: Amy Finley’s How to Eat a Small Country

Kirkus Reviews gives the memoir a starred review. “Third-season winner of The Next Food Network Star heads to France to rebuild her life and marriage. A five-star read.”

Sci-Fi: Kirsten Imani Kasai’s Tattoo

Barnes & Noble’s awarded Kasai’s novel as one of the best sci-fi novels of 2011.

Not only are these women talented writers, they’re good people, too.

Best news story: I’m going to pick more than one.  I’m going to pick ten.  Thank you to Goodnews Network for giving us a year’s worth of good news.

Worst news story: You pick.  I don’t want to give all the stories (most of them about celebrities going to jail, breaking up, having affairs) more press.

For me, 2011 was full of challenges and lots of blessings, “Rango” not withstanding.  How about you?  What would be on your best (and worst) list?

It’s that time of year when millions of children are filled with excitement anticipating the arrival of Santa and his reindeer.  Letters to Santa have been written.  On Christmas Eve, cookies and milk for the jolly fellow and carrots for Rudolph will be set out.  But not in this house.  We are now a house of non-believers.  Last year Jack asked me straight out if there was such a thing as Santa.  I held back for a minute.  The truth would mean the end of the magic, right?

I was in third grade when I discovered my mom was Santa.  I recognized her handwriting on my present, “To Michelle.”  My heart sank.  The next Christmas, being the oldest and most pragmatic, grown up in our house I forced my sister out of bed to wait in  the hallway while Mom put the “Santa” presents under the Christmas tree.  If only I’d known what letting go of Santa meant, I wouldn’t have forced the issue. I would have held on to childhood, to believing.  I would have let Marcia believe, too.

I don’t know when Molly discovered the secret.

It might have been around the time when her father and I divorced, another ending to a fairytale.  I know Kelly found out around the same time from her cousin.  I was probably just as upset about the girls finding out as they were.  This was just the beginning, no Tooth Fairy, no Easter Bunny.

So when Jack last year asked me this question, I wanted to lie.  I wanted him to believe, so that I could, too.

I came clean though.

“What about the Tooth Fairy?” Jack asked.

“No.”

“What about the Easter Bunny?” Jack asked.

“No. No. No.”

I saw the future.  We’d go to Disneyland and instead of being in awe of all the children singing, “It’s a Small World…,” Jack would hear the clicking of the puppets’ mouths, the piped in music, see the tracks under the boats.  Instead of being scared and thrilled at the ghosts riding in the car in the haunted mansion, Jack would no longer believe.

Not believing meant the end of childhood, the end of magic.

But wait.  I still believe in magic.  Here is my short list of the unbelievable things in the world my kids still can believe in:

1. Love of a partner and best friend

2. Giving birth, having kids

3. Dogs like Chewy, Lupie, Reesie, Bear, and Gizmo and cats like Bautista, Mocha, Tiger and Moonlight

4. New Mexico

5. A Santa Ana day where you can see for miles

6. Chocolate

7. Peace

8. A belly laugh

9. Quiet and music

10. Holding a hand, kissing, a good hug

Maybe there’s not a Santa…maybe.  But there’s plenty of magic.

Wishing you love, joy and magic of the season!

What do you believe in magic?

Years ago Robert Fulghum wrote an essay about how he learned the most important things in life in kindergarten.  Below is an excerpt:

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don’t hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life -Learn some and think some; And draw and paint and sing and dance; And play and work everyday some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world,
Watch out for traffic,
Hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten, Villard Books: New York, 1990,

While I agree with Mr. Fulghum, I think I’ve learned more in the University of Life than I have in my eighteen years in school.  Here’s the short list.

1. Sometimes 2+2=3.  This is my only explanation for my bank account.
2. Love
3. When you get knocked down, you get up again.
4. Listen actively.
5. Sometimes there isn’t an explanation.
6. My children are my best teachers.
7. Trust your instincts.
8. Finding a handwritten note in the mailbox is awesome.
9. Mean people suck, but 99.9 percent of people are good.
10. Hope

What are some of the lessons you’ve learned at the University of Life?

Oh, it’s that season again.  The shopping until you drop (or throw up).  I’ve never felt so many elbows and short tempers in my life as I do around this time of year at the mall.  It could be me and my humbug attitude.   But what about those sales that lure you in and then it’s the ol’ bait and switch?  Yeah, I came in for a cheap Nook and what I found was a plethora of  SpongeBob Chia Pets.

This is the first year Jack doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.  I’m surprised it took my 40-year-old-trapped in an eight-year-old body son this long to figure it out.  But there was the question,  “Mom, is there such thing as Santa Claus?”  I looked into my son’s eight-year-old face and thought about telling him, “If you believe, then there is.”  But then I caught his old soul eyes and couldn’t lie.  Don’t get me wrong, part of me cheered at the fact I’d no longer have to stay up until midnight to ensure he was asleep to be Santa.  But now I realize part of the magic is gone because Jack’s no longer believes in Santa or the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.

Leave it to Kelly, my 19-year-old daughter, to embrace the season.  She’s the one who insisted we get a tree.  She’s the one who decorated the front yard with lights.  She wrapped presents for her friends and put them under the tree.  Kelly is thrilled when 96.5 FM starts playing holiday music the day after Thanksgiving. She’s reminded me of the magic of this season. Thank you.

So I searched for other sites to get me in the mood, and hopefully the will, too.

Sock Monster

For unique gifts for women in the middle of their lives, check out The Succulent’s Wife’s Holiday Gift Guide.  I’m especially partial to the ila Wedge, Fletcher and Blythe’s-Handmade Sock Monster Doll,  and charmed.design inspirational bracelets.

Great gifts that give back:

Common Threadz

Common Threadz.  For each t-shirt you buy, they give a school uniform to a child in Africa or meals for a month.

Greater Good.  This program allows 100% tax-deductible contributions to pass directly through to nonprofit causes. This program gives our growing community of donors a meaningful and direct opportunity to fund specific services for people, animals and causes in need.

Women for Women. This year, give your loved ones meaningful holiday gifts that help women survivors of war rebuild their lives.

Thank you to my fellow blogger, Susan, at Welcome to the Middle of Life who loves this season, and her blog helped to remind me why I’m fond of this season, too.

And if you still need encouragement, here you go…

What gets you in the mood?

Orville and Wilbur Wright Testing for Wind (1909)

I know.  I know I’ve ranted about how the media and news focuses on the negative.  I know.  I know I told y’all it’s the reason why I don’t watch the news.  But there I was yesterday sitting on my bed doing my make-up, because God knows I don’t want to stand in front of mirror for two minutes without some kind of stimulation.

The top story was the windstorm in Southern California.  Headlines read, “Violent Windstorm Leaves Path of Destruction” and “California Residents Grapple with Windstorm Cleanup.”  Really?  Really?

They showed a local news reporter standing in Balboa Park and it went something like this:

“We’re going to go to Barbie Benton to hear how local residents are handling the threat of the violent windstorm.”

[Cut to the reporter in the middle of the park without one strand of hair blowing.]

“Thank you, Larry.  I’m standing here like I have been for the last five hours and absolutely nothing has happened.  This is bullshit. Why are we making such a big deal out of this storm when there’s nothing more than a breeze?”

I confess.  It’s not the way it happened.  But if I was the reporter standing there for five hours waiting for the wind, I would have said it.  Essentially, “our neighbors to the North got the brunt of it.  Power was out for many Los Angeles residents.”  I think two or three houses were destroyed by falling Eucalyptus trees.

I’m not downplaying the seriousness of shut off electricity and destroyed homes.  What bothers me is the focus once again on the negative.  I know.  I know.  People won’t tune into good news.  News that focuses on the blessed things that happen everyday.  But this is the same argument people have used as the reason why healthy, fresh food isn’t offered to  kids, adults, low income residents.   They won’t eat it. Uh, they won’t eat it because fast food and junk food is CHEAP, a hell of a lot cheaper than healthy food. So I’m crying bullshit.

Imagine news that considered the cup half full instead of half empty.

Instead of saying there’s a 20% chance of rain, say, “THERE’S AN 80% CHANCE OF THE DAY BEING SUNNY AND BEAUTIFUL.”

Instead of saying stocks are down, say “WE’RE STILL ALIVE. INDUSTRIES HIRE EMPLOYEES.  BANKS LOAN MONEY.  PEOPLE GO OUT AND BUY LOCAL PRODUCE.”

Instead of saying there’s a 50% divorce rate, how about “50 PERCENT OF MARRIED PEOPLE STAY MARRIED?”

Instead of publishing the story about the seven pit bull mix puppies mauling a young man who was running in the foothills of San Diego, say “99.9% OF PIT BULLS ARE GOOD DOGS.  IT’S THE OWNERS THAT SUCK.”

Imagine the news being about David Lynch donating $1 million dollars for veterans to help with PTSD or how Atlanta deputies refused to evict a 103-year-old and her daughter (age 83) or how unemployment in the U.S. has fallen and 120,000 jobs have been created.  I’d buy it, and if you want to here’s the link to Good News Network.

What would be your good news?