Musings of a Midlife Mama and Other Stories

Don’t try to pigeonhole Kirsten Imani Kasai.  She is a mom, wife, friend, editor and writer.   What kind of writer is Kirsten?  That’s hard to say, too.  Kirsten’s fiction, reviews and poetry have appeared in various national magazines and anthologies.

Even her debut novel, Ice Song,  (Del Rey/Random House, 2009) has been hard to categorize.

But ask Kirsten and she’ll tell you, she writes from her heart.  She says, “My goals are to redefine prevalent cultural images of women and motherhood; to question the nature of gender roles; to establish a feminine vision of the future not rooted in technological alienation and destruction; and, of course, to write killer stories that satisfy our natural human lust for action, sex, love, violence and intrigue.” Yeah, and she’s smart, too.

I sat down with Kirsten to ask her questions about writing, mothering and holding on and letting go.

Me: Why do you write?

Kirsten: Because I can’t not write. Believe me, I’ve tried.

Me: What’s something you’ve held on to?
Kirsten: I have a lot of clothes from my grandmother, mom and from my youth. They’re a wonderful, tangible connection to certain people or periods of time. I feel the life that has been lived in those items when I hold them in my hands. A sailor dress from the 50s that my mother wore in a school photo, her linen baby dresses, my grandmother’s pink and gray paisley overcoat from the 60s, my mother’s red silk cocktail dress–I have a photo of her wearing it and holding me when I was about one. My favorite dancing shoes with broken laces, worn-through soles and heels. They’ve seen the inside of a lot of clubs!

Me: What’s something you wish you’d let go a long time ago?

Kirsten: Guilt over the past, specifically incidents when I abused someone’s feelings, trod on a relationship or acted selfishly because I was young, stupid and callous.

Me: What’s the best and worst parenting advice you’d ever gotten?

Kirsten: Don’t tell anyone a baby’s name until it’s on the birth certificate!

Me: What’s the best part of writing?  Worst?

Kirsten: The best part is that amazing sensation of creativity and intellectual aliveness that comes when a new story is making itself known.  My artistic brain starts percolating, making connections, finding patterns, taking pleasure and inspiration from music and the rhythms of language and nature.  The worst parts are slogging through a clunky first draft and ignoring the looming sense of despair that constantly nags at me. Am I going to “make it”? Will my voice be heard? Will my story have meaning?

Me: What’s the best part of having a novel published? What’s the most surprising part?  What single piece of advice would you give to a writer hoping to get published?

Kirsten: Best: doing what I love and do best and having a forum for it.
Surprising: My life hasn’t radically changed. It’s not all parades, parties and fast cars, as I’d hoped.
Advice: Keep going. Try again. Believe in your story & your voice. Understand why you write, what you want to gain from it and who you are writing for. Be honest about your goals. Understand which part of the publication process is “art” and which part is strictly business, then behave accordingly.

Me: You’re writing a new novel, what’s it about?

Kirsten: My novel Tattoo comes out in July 2011, the sequel to Ice Song.

TATTOO
In an environmentally fragile world where human and animal genes combine, the rarest mutation of all—the Trader—can instantly switch genders. One such Trader—female Sorykah—is battling her male alter, Soryk, for dominance and the right to live a full life. Sorykah has rescued her infant twins from mad Matuk the Collector. Her children are safe. Her journey, she believes, is over, but Matuk’ s death has unleashed darker, more evil forces. Those forces—led by the Collector’ s son—cast nets that stretch from the glittering capital of Neubonne to the murky depths below the frozen Sigue, where the ink of octameroons is harvested to make addictive, aphrodisiac tattoos. Bitter enemies trapped within a single skin, Sorykah and Soryk are soon drawn into a sinister web of death and deceit.

I’m also working on a YA novel about mythical beasts and an urban fantasy, Squatter’s Rights, about an LA girl gang, military secrets and the restless spirits of the dead.

Me: Do you believe in the labels of good mom and bad mom?  What makes a good mom?  Bad mom? (The Bloggess has a blog about good mom, bad mom and how her and her writing partner don’t believe in these labels.)

Kirsten: Yikes, that’s a loaded question. Definitely, there are moments when I see a mother behaving in a way that I don’t approve of. It’s difficult not to judge another parent (esp. when doing so and the stereotypes of good/bad mothers are so deeply ingrained in our culture). However, many people can overcome poor parenting and still have successful, happy lives, while others can have wonderful mothers and still grow up to be rotten apples. I think it’s been very trendy to point the finger at mothers and blame them for the failings or misdeeds of their children, but it’s time to move beyond that.

Me: What’s the difference between raising boys and girls?
Kirsten: I haven’t really noticed much of a difference yet, and those that I’ve seen can be more easily attributed to personality type than gender. My son is more reluctant to share his feelings when they are hurt, however.

I am very much of the opinion that boys/men tend to be much more sensitive, warm and caring than we give them credit for. They’re under tremendous pressure to “man up” and stifle the expression of feelings which are perceived as soft or feminine. I’m really heartened to see that traditional gender roles are slackening and allowing more people to find the truest expression of themselves

Me: What’s the best part of parenting?  The worst?

The best part is being able to gift someone else with a nice childhood, health and happiness, a stable foundation upon which to build a life. My children are funny, smart and loving. It’s a joy to watch them express their ideas and creativity and explore the world.

The worst part, of course, is the fear that my children will be seriously hurt and I won’t be able to help them. I fear that some sort of profound damage will be done to them, and have to consciously work at detaching from fear so that they don’t feel hampered by my anxieties. I teach them that, despite all the crap and horrid things that people do to each other, most people are nice and helpful. Most people around the world share common goals (health, safety, education, loving relationships, peace, rewarding work) and will support others in achieving them.

The worst thing is not having much time alone to work. I remind myself to cherish our time together because these years are moving so quickly, and one day my kids will be grown and gone. Every day we have together is precious.