Like My Body?
On 2005′s Australian MTV Awards, Anna Nicole Smith sashayed across the stage dressed in a haltered flamenco dress of red and black. As she made her way to the podium she waved her hands above her head and then ran them up and down her body. The crowd roared. The more the audience clapped and hooted, the more Smith preened at the podium. Finally, she leaned into the microphone and drunkenly asked, “Like my body?”
Yesterday while getting ready for work, I watched a segment about websites showing young women how to starve themselves. As one of the recovering anorexics who was being interviewed said, “These websites are assisted suicide for people like me.” Anorexia has one of the highest suicide rates of any mental illness. Eating disorders, like anorexia, affect mostly young women who are usually the oldest in their families, are smart and high achievers and who are trying to achieve perfectionism by controlling their bodies.
Last night at the gym, I listened to two gorgeous “middle of their lives” women talk about how they wouldn’t be caught dead in bathing suits while doing anything besides lying on their backs. Then they proceeded to point out all their flaws, including their butts, thighs, and stomachs.
This morning I went and got weighed. I was up causing me to be depressed. I’ve been working out, tracking points. Then I started thinking about Anna Nicole Smith (God rest her soul. What pain she must have been in.), all those young women who have been lured by those sites giving tips on how to starve themselves, and my friends lamenting about their thighs. I have been every one of these women. Okay, I haven’t sashayed across a stage while asking millions of people, “Like my body?” But I have been desperate for people to notice me and it seemed important to be thin in order for this to happen. I haven’t subscribed to any of those websites promoting eating disorders but I have starved myself for many years in order to be perfect. And I’m embarrassed to say how much time I’ve wasted on “if only I had a six pack” and “if only my breasts were perky.”
Yeah, I gained weight today, my breasts aren’t what they used to be and I don’t have a six pack, but I’m blessed with the body I have. I’ve given birth to three healthy and beautiful children, and breastfed every one of them. This ol’ body can deadlift two hundred pounds, do chest-to-bar pull ups and clapping push ups. I’ve come a long way from the girl who thought if she was thin, then everything was right with the world. But I continue to work on being grateful for all the things I have. I’m a work in progress.
One thing is clear. Like my body? Yes. Yes, I do.
Have you had body image problems?
[...] . . Like My Body? on Musings of a Midlife Mama and Other Stories because you should rock what you have and love what you [...]
I’m glad to hear you are letting go of the baggage and getting into a bikini, for goodness sakes. And seriously if the guy would only love you if you lost weight (or got breast implants or liposuction) then he needs to get bent. I say wear that bikini while eating an ice cream sundae. Cheers!
Robin, this gave me goosebumps. You are an inspiration to so many, and my hero. So celebrate all your achievements. You deserve it!
Your post is something many women feel each day. With a muscle disorder (that makes my body contantly feel like I’ve just had a 2 hours cardio workout) getting out of bed is an accomplishment. No it isnt enough. As women we are very self critical on our appearance. For me, I worry about the belly I’ve had since elementary school, the thinning hair and purplish colored skin because of my autoimmune disorder. As I approach the big five – 0, I’ve been working on a new body attitude. An adjustment to gratefulness and gentleness of my body. “Hey body, you have given birth a healthy baby girl (she will be 29 y.o. in a few days); been through alcoholism and now living in recovery; worked in potato and broccoli fields since preschool; endured Northern Maine winters; accomplished a marathon and numerous other physical activities.” Next time I look in the mirror it’s gonna be more about what this body has achieved and will achieve. Time to stop comparing my body to magazines and other women. I am what I am because of this body – time to celebrate!
Appropriate post for what’s been on my mind lately. Gained ten pounds in the last 4 months due to dissolution of relationship and concurrent emotional WTF stress. It’s hard for me to love me this way. It’s hard not to think that if I weighed 15 pounds less “he would still love me”, which I KNOW is bullshit. It’s crazy what we women can put ourselves through for a few pounds, which in the end no one really cares about. Especially our children and our family.
I love my birthed-one-child-and-breast-fed 44 year old body. Now where’s that bikini?
Thanks for the great post.
Body image has been on my mind a lot lately, oddly enough. I’ve been at both extremes – eating my feelings and denying myself food to be able to have something to control. Its hard to break any of those thought processes and learn to love our bodies for the wonders they are.
I have four kids, and the body to prove it. Some days, I am proud, and other days, I’m not, but I can at least appreciate the fact that not every woman gets the chance to stare at her stretchmarks with pride. We may not be a size zero (which means, a size “nothing?”) but we were still given gifts that not every woman can have.
Michelle,
Look at the youtube Mark posted about “Nick” and see how little the body matters and how much we all have to be grateful for. Thighs – smighs!
This is such an important issue. Anorexia was around when I was a teen. It’s 4 decades later, and it’s been joined by a host of body image-related cohorts, equally destructive, not to mention surgery-obsessed girls and women whose unrealistic expectations fuel and industry. Many industries.
At what point do we discard these odd late 20th century and millennial pictures in our head, reinforced by media as what is necessary?
When do we start appreciating health and mobility and fitness? Because those things are truly vital to living, and they can be gone in a flash.