Musings of a Midlife Mama and Other Stories

Before Oprah, there was Phil Donahue.  Yes, younguns, Phil Donahue had the first tabloid talk show and it was in Chicago, paving the way for Oprah.  But I digress.  I used to watch the Phil Donahue Show because it rocked and it was the only gig in town.  Oh, those were the days…  One day I flipped on the show to see a bunch of grown men dressed in diapers and carrying baby bottles and pacifiers.  Do you think I’m making this stuff up?  Okay, I could but I’m not.  I think there was a psychologist on the show talking about regression or regressive therapy.  I can’t remember.  At fourteen, what did I know about men dressed in diapers? (Fortunately, as an adult I still don’t know anything personally about this phenomenon.) I do remember the men frolicking around like babies and going back to a happier time, a time when they felt nurtured and didn’t know what shame was (For the love of Pete, did they look in a mirror as they put on the diaper?).  Many of them were married, and as their wives looked on and Phil Donahue kept a serious face, these baby-men talked about how this allowed them to “grow up” in a better way than they actually had. What?

Years later therapy turned to having us write a letter to our younger selves. The idea is that we can use this exercise to be gentler when speaking to ourselves at a younger age.  Let’s face it, as adults we are taught to be in control and take ownership for our actions.  At the risk of wearing a diaper to go back to that innocent time, I will write a letter to myself at age  seven and to my three children.

Dear Me (and Molly, Kelly and Jack if you’re reading this),

I’m writing to you to let you know everything is cool.  You don’t know this yet but you’ll marry a great person and have three (or one, or five, or none with just cats) awesome children.  I know you’re too busy counting calories and worrying about what people think of you, but here’s what you don’t know (This list is for you, Melia Lore.):

1. This too shall pass and don’t sweat the small stuff.  There are reasons for cliches.  When enough people say them, they become truth.  But I want you to know that any of the crap you think is so monumental will pass.  Broken relationships, friendships gone awry, and fights with your parents will pass.  All this stuff will become insignificant.  Ultimately what really matters will rise to the top.
2. Don’t take yourself so seriously.  Look around.  Your friends are more worried about themselves and tracking toilet paper from the bathroom than they are about you doing it.  “Lighten up, Francis.”  Don’t worry be happy. 

3. FDR said, “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”  You, my friend, have made a life of fearing everything from earthquakes to airplanes.  Ultimately, you will know this has to do with control and your utter lack of it.  Know there will be many days that pass where you won’t fear the earth shaking and airplanes falling from the sky.  Please remember these times.  Remember joy!

4. You will eventually love and accept (and even like) your parents.  You will come to understand them as human and believe what your dad has said all along, “We did the best job we could.”  You buy this because this is how you end up parenting. 

5. Eat, Pray, Love.  You missed the bus, ship, and plane on this one.  Another woman (Elizabeth Gilbert) will write this blasted memoir and sell a bazillion copies and be on the NY Best Seller List for 158 weeks and have a Hollywood movie starring Julia Roberts made.  Once you let go of your bitterness (yeah, right), you realize the importance of  honoring food and relishing the ritual and comfort of eating, and believing and relying on a higher power and to love, love, love. 

I want you to know you are doing a remarkable of living life and have three wonderful, healthy and joyful children, fantastic parents and friends, and a husband to prove it.

Love,  Me

PS-Please don’t ever wear a diaper no matter how shitty life gets.

What would you tell your younger self?

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Big Little Wolf says, “What would I tell my younger self? To listen to those inner voices. They always know best.Or at the very least, to see more clearly, looking in the mirror.”