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“Mom, I have to interview you for Senior English,” Kelly said.
“Okay, I can do it tomorrow–”
“No, Mom, now.”
I looked up from my computer. I’d been trying to meet another impossible deadline.
“It’s due tomorrow,” Kelly said.
“Of course it is.” I closed my computer. “Kelly, you know–”
“Please, Ma, lets just do it.” She flung herself in the chair opposite me and pulled out a rumpled piece of paper. I resisted the urge to ask how long she’d had this assignment. Judging from the paper it had been a while.
“Okay,” Kelly said. “What is the one piece of advice you’d give me as I head out as an adult into the world?”
Oh, god, I forgot. Time. Passing. Too. Quickly. Here I was with another daughter who in a matter of months would be graduating from high school.
“Honey, do we have to talk about this now?” I pretended to wipe a tear away. “You know I’m not good at this letting go stuff.”
“Come on,” Kelly said.
“Okay. Okay,” I said. “Give me a minute.”
Kelly tapped her pen on the table. Tap. Tap. Tap.
“Times up,” she said. “Give it to me.” Her pen was poised.
This had to be good. This single piece of advice had to carry her through her transition from childhood to adulthood. This single piece of advice had to make up for all the lessons I hadn’t taught Kelly over her almost eighteen years with me. And I’m sure at this juncture there were a ton of these missed opportunities.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
“MOM.”
“When life gives you lemons, turn them into lemonade.”
Kelly rolled her eyes. “Really, that’s the best you can do? The lemons-lemonade quote.” She started to write it down.
“Wait. That’s not it.” I started to sweat.
“If you love something, set it free.”
“Oh, God, Mom. Really?”
I rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans. Think. Think.
I sang, “Kiss today goodbye. And point me–”
“I am not writing that down. What does that even mean?”
“It’s lyrics from ‘Chorus Line.’”
“I don’t even know–”
“It was a very popular musical when I was in high school.”
“This is 2009. Not 1809.”
“Funny,” I said. “Very funny.”
“Never mind. I’ll just make something up.” Kelly gathered her binder and papers together.
“Wait. Okay. I’m ready.” And this is the story I told her.
During my first visit with Molly at Sac State, I’d begun unbraiding myself from the past and future and started to appreciate the present. What choice did I have? Oh, sure, I could waste more time kicking my ass with my guilt over the mistakes I’d made and how I’d parented throughout Molly and Kelly’s childhoods. I could remain on the ledge of the future. On that visit, in the moment, I began to see a life where I let go of my chronic bombardment of what ifs…What if Molly goes to college and she gets into drugs, moves to San Francisco and begs for money on the street? What if Kelly never likes school? Then what? What if Jack continues his obsession with guns and wars? What if…I’d started to live in the present. What if I appreciated that today Molly was safe and happy in Sacramento, and I was more than okay with David, Kelly and Jack in San Diego. What if I was content.
I looked at Kelly across the table from me. Her eyes seemed glazed over.
“So you get it?” I asked.
“Uh?”
“The moral of the story?” I asked. “The one piece of advice I’d give you? You get it, right?”
I stared into her dark brown eyes.
“Yeah. Yeah. Carpe Diem.”
“Yes,” I said. “Seize the day.”
“Why didn’t you just say so?”
What piece of advice have you given your child as she left for college? Or if you don’t have children or they’re not that old, what would you tell your imaginary graduating senior? What was the best piece of advice you were given upon graduating high school? To leave comments, click on to “Read Users’ Comments.”
15th October, 2009 at 10:42 am
on my final visit with my mother, in the hospital just before she died, she told me to be happy. It is a choice, choose to be happy.
15th October, 2009 at 11:29 am
You just want to say the perfect right thing don’t you? As if one sentence or sentiment can really do the job and cover every awkward, sad, embarrassing, dangerous, happy, joy-filled or back-stabbed moment?!!
I remember my junior year at UC Santa Cruz. I’m thousands of miles away from home at a party in a room full of total strangers and some guy is pressing me to share his bong. I had never set eyes on such a contraption in my life but it wasn’t embarrassment that prevented me for “sharing” it was my conviction that even with an ocean between us my MOTHER WOULD KNOW!! Every word of caution, every threat if I did bad, every word of advice circled my brain and basically offered me my mother’s protection all those miles away. I think it’s all the words we say to them over the years that they carry with them and that’s why you probably struggled with it, you’ve said it all already!!
19th October, 2009 at 10:50 pm
I am glad you are doing all this first so I have a role model! I wouldn’t know what to say.
2nd November, 2009 at 7:05 pm
My daughter asked me the same thing for a similar English class. I also felt like brushing her off because I felt that I was not qualified to give her advise that she should take with her for her life long journey. But with continuous pressure from her…….I told her to “treasure her friendships, especially her girl friends. Be true to yourself and show them the kind of a loving, caring, giving person you are and when you least expect it they will be there for you”. Without my true friends life would not be half of what it is today.
29th December, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Laugh. Laugh A LOT. Feel music when you hear it. God gave women hips for dancing. Dance. Dance a lot. Cry. Cry a lot. Sing, write, play, and raise hell. Vote. Vote a lot. Call home, call your mom, dads, sister, and your brother. Call your brother. A lot. Be proud and humble of who you are. Give your heart to others. Give a lot of heart. Think of the ocean. Think of the ocean. a lot. Like the ocean, some forces are not meant to be fought, but rather to trust the flow. Flow. A lot. Live, learn, and love. Love a lot.
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